it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
