I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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