return my video game
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize