Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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