Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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