I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
