Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
