So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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