2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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