If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
