so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
