There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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