But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got chris browned last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
