i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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