yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
