The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
