I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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