You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
