i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
