Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
