I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
