im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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