Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
