well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
