Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't deserve a penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
