Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
