I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
