It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
