My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize