He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
