I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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