Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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