my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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