You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
