when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize