I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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