we're chasing vodka with high fives
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
