hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
