you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
