Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
