Someone shit on the floor
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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