4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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