Already got asked if we're dating
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
