I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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