Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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