After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize