i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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