Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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