I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
