my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
