is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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