the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
