Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
