matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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