I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize