i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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