We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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