I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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