Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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