i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize