We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
