you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
