Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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