so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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