he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
