We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
