On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
