I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
