there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
