Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
