So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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