You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
