Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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