just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
